The holidays are supposed to be merry, and for many people they are. But for plenty of older adults, this time of year brings a quieter feeling too. Maybe the family has moved away. Maybe the chair across the table is empty. Maybe the traditions you loved just aren’t practical anymore. If that sounds familiar, you are in good company. Feeling lonely or stressed during the holidays is common, and it is not a sign that something is wrong with you.
The good news is that there is a lot you can do about it. Some steps are small and take just a few minutes. Others involve reaching out to people and places that are glad to see you. Here are practical ideas to try.
Start With a Plan, Not a Wish
Loneliness tends to hit hardest when the calendar is empty. Before the season gets busy, sit down with a pen and a calendar and mark out the days.
- Fill the stretches that feel long. Notice which days or times of day are hardest, such as holiday evenings, Sundays, or the day itself, and put something on them. A phone date, a lunch out, or a favorite movie can be enough.
- Plan for the tender dates. If a certain day carries a memory, like a birthday, an anniversary, or a loved one’s favorite holiday, decide ahead of time how you want to spend it. Having a plan makes it feel less like something happening to you.
- Keep your routine. Regular meals, a normal bedtime, and some movement every day make the hard moments easier to handle. When the days lose their shape, stress and sadness grow.
Make Room for Both Joy and Missing
You don’t have to pick between celebrating and remembering. Both can happen at once, and trying to push one feeling aside usually makes it louder.
- Honor the people you miss. Light a candle, set out a photo, or play a favorite song.
- Tell the story. Share a memory with a friend, a neighbor, or a grandchild. Stories keep people close.
- Write it down. Jot a few lines in a notebook, or write a letter to someone who has passed or someone far away. Some people keep the letter and some send it.
If you’ve lost someone, you don’t have to carry it alone. Aster hosts Grief & Loss Support groups, facilitated by EMPACT, on Wednesdays from 1:00 to 2:00 pm at Mesa Downtown and Fridays from 10:00 to 11:00 am at Red Mountain. For those who have already been through a loss and want to make new friends, Movin’ Forward meets Fridays from 1:00 to 2:00 pm at Red Mountain.
Reach Out First
It can feel awkward to be the one who calls. But most people are happy to hear from you, and many are waiting for someone else to make the first move.
- Set a calling schedule. Pick two or three people and a regular day, like Sunday afternoon or Wednesday morning. A routine makes it easier to follow through.
- Try video. Seeing a grandchild’s face or a friend’s smile is different from a phone call. If the technology feels tricky, ask a family member to help set it up before the holidays, and practice once so it feels familiar.
- Send mail. A handwritten card or short note is easy to do, and people love to receive them. Writing cards is also a nice way to spend a quiet afternoon.
- Invite someone. You don’t need a big gathering. A cup of coffee, a short walk, or a simple meal with a neighbor counts.
Find Your People at the Senior Center
Sometimes the best remedy is simply being around other people. At Aster’s Senior Centers, there is a place for you at the table, and you don’t need to know anyone to start. In November, here is a taste of what is on the calendar:
- Gratitude Party (Nov. 6, Mesa Downtown): Volunteers are planning a special lunch celebrating all we have to be thankful for.
- Veteran’s Appreciation (Nov. 6, Red Mountain) and Veteran’s Day (Nov. 11, Mesa Downtown): Themed lunch, music, and a morning honoring those who served.
- Men’s and Women’s Socials (Nov. 5 and Nov. 19, Red Mountain): A low-pressure social hour with like-minded friends.
- November Birthday Party (Nov. 18, both Centers): Cake and company for everyone born this month.
- Weekly favorites: Free movies with popcorn, karaoke, line dancing, art, book club, and bingo. Even if you only come for lunch and a chat, you’ll leave with a little more connection than you came with.
- Deaf Support Group (Tuesdays, Red Mountain): A friendly weekly group for people with hearing loss, with cards, games, and sign language.
A daily, nutritionally balanced lunch is available at both Centers, Monday through Friday. A hot meal with good company can improve your diet and help you feel less lonely, and each Center also has a Café for a casual snack with friends.
Tip: If walking into a room of strangers feels intimidating, pick one activity and go back to it. Familiar faces turn into friends faster than you’d think. Call ahead at 480-962-5612 (Mesa Downtown) or 480-218-2221 (Red Mountain) and ask what a first visit looks like.
If Getting Out Is Hard
Not everyone can get to a Center, and that doesn’t mean you have to go without connection.
- Aster’s Neighbors program is designed for homebound older adults. Volunteers help with errands, phone calls, and companionship, offering meaningful connection and care.
- Meals on Wheels brings food to your door, which means a regular visitor and one less thing to worry about.
- In-Home Support can help you stay independent at home.
- Aster’s Outreach and Social Services team can talk with you, in a free, private, and unbiased consultation, about which programs and resources fit your situation.
Do Something With Your Hands
Staying busy with something you enjoy is a good way to lift your mood. It gives the day a purpose, and the results are often a gift for someone else.
- Cook or bake a family recipe. The smell of a favorite dish can bring back the best memories. Scale the recipe down if you’re cooking for one, and freeze portions. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours and eat them within 3 to 4 days.
- Make something to give away. Knit, stitch, paint, or craft a small gift or card. Aster’s Stitch & Chat, Diamond Art, and Art Studio sessions make this a social activity.
- Share a recipe. Write one out for a neighbor or grandchild, along with the story behind it.
- Help someone else. Volunteering, even for an hour, can ease loneliness, because you are needed and the work has a purpose.
- Get some fresh air. A short walk around the block in the Arizona sunshine can lift your spirits. Walk with a friend, if you can.
Make the Season Less Stressful
Stress and loneliness often travel together. A few ways to lighten the load:
- Do less, on purpose. You don’t have to host, decorate every room, or keep every tradition. Choose the two or three things that matter most to you, and let the rest go.
- Set a budget and stick to it. The holidays can strain a fixed income. Handmade gifts, a card, or a promise of time together are things people remember. For help finding programs that make life more affordable, ask Aster’s team about benefits enrollment.
- Plan your meals. A little weekly planning and a grocery list can save money and stress.
- Start a new tradition. If an old tradition has changed or is no longer possible, try creating a new one that fits your life now. It could be a monthly lunch with a friend, a holiday movie afternoon, or a weekly call with a faraway family member.
- Be gentle with yourself. Some days will be harder than others. That’s normal.
When the Heaviness Lingers
Feeling down now and then is part of being human, especially at this time of year. But if the sadness or loneliness hangs on, or if it’s getting in the way of eating, sleeping, or enjoying the things you usually like, you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Aster’s Outreach and Social Services team is here to listen, answer your questions, and connect you with programs and resources that fit your situation. Consultations are free, private, and unbiased.
Email socialservices@asteraz.org or call 480-634-1659. It’s also always worth mentioning how you’re feeling to your doctor.
You Are Not Alone
Wherever you spend the holidays this year, Aster is here to remind you that you have a community. Come to a class, share a lunch, make a call, or just stop by and say hello. We’d love to see you.
Aster Senior Center at Mesa Downtown
247 North Macdonald, Mesa, AZ 85201
480-962-5612 | cbs@asteraz.org
Map to Mesa Downtown
Aster Senior Center at Red Mountain
7550 East Adobe Street, Mesa, AZ 85207
480-218-2221 | cbs@asteraz.org
Map to Red Mountain
Both Centers are open 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, Monday through Friday, excluding holidays. To explore all of our programs and services, visit asteraz.org or call 480-964-9014.
About Aster Aging
Aster Aging is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to serving our local communities since 1979. Aster provides a full continuum of services to help older adults and their families navigate aging with independence and dignity.
Aster impacts thousands of older adults and their families in the East Valley through our core programs:
